Squirrel Conspiracy Theories

 I recently had a conversation with a Winona resident on twitter. This individual said they went camping a few weeks ago and was bitten by a squirrel. I'm beginning to think this could have been one of the 'mutant squirrels' I heard about a month or so back. There's an increasing number of people with squirrel tendencies and interests that seem extreme. So extreme that they aren't sure why this started happening. Some people are embracing it, which I am not against, but there still needs to be answers to why. This may seem like an extreme conspiracy but there's evidence that ties it all together. I am not sure if these symptoms are transmitted from human to human but it sounds like it originated from direct human to squirrel contact. I will keep you all updated on the information I find in the near future.  -BB

 OCT 22nd,  For weeks now I have been growing more concerned about the strange phenomena occurring in this town. People I used to know moving out of their houses and moving into the trees, a shortage of nuts and seeds at local grocery stores, and people have started making this strange chatter or screech noise to communicate. I fear that this is not coincidence and that people who start to develop these characteristics may never be the same again. I fear this is the doing of man or some organization, and that it's only a matter of time before this becomes widespread... 

1. The biggest step in being a happy squirrel is to live freely and climb often .     After watching squirrels for several weeks now I noticed the happiest ones are always climbing and jumping around.  2. Eat all of the nuts you can.     Whenever I see a squirrel just sitting down munchin on a nut, they always look so content. This seems to be a relaxing break. 3. Play fun squirrel games.     I have seen a lot of squirrels chasing each other around. They play tag and wrestle while running around. Squirrels love playing with other squirrels. I have been trying to research and learn more about squirrels. It's become very fascinating to me. I like hearing about all the good squirrels, crazy squirrels, mutant squirrels, and whatever else. There still seems to be something going on around Winona with these furry critters. But I have became extremely fond of them. I hope these few tips help you live a little happier. Let me know how you feel during these act...

Hello all, I think there's something wrong with me. Whenever I go outside lately, I have been seeing more and more squirrels. It's not like my area wasn't already populated with squirrels, but I've been noticing them more lately. I look at them and they're staring right back at me. There's some sort of connection there. I feel a connection between me and the squirrels. I think they're trying to communicate, but I don't know how to?  Help!

 I can't stop walking outside and listening to squirrels. If I see a squirrel I can't resist following it. It's almost as if my body craves the thoughts, ideas, and feelings I get when I see a squirrel doing little squirrel things.  When did I become so obsessed with squirrels? Does anybody want to share their weird obsessions? I can't be the only one.

   So I was watching this squirrel climb the tree and as I got closer he noticed me. It was weird he didn't run away he just stared at me. I got the impression he/she recognized me. Does anyone recognize this squirrel? If so let me know I would like to know more about this individual. 

 Kirk here, and not the Kirk that failed us last night in that darn Vikings game. Anyways... I have noticed a vast amount of acorns floating down the river. last week I noticed it a little but it seems that there are more and more each day. Is this a sign coming from the squirrels? What should we do? 

 I heard somebody talking quietly at Kwik Trip today and I have to share the story. He was already partially into the conversation but this is what I remember... "No it was just one.....  a mutated one and now it transmitted the mutation through the Winona squirrel population. Just be careful."  If anyone has heard anything similar let me know! I need more people to talk to to try and figure out if this is credible. I have no idea if one of the two guys were from a lab where this squirrel came from or just know about it but he was very serious about the whole situation. I wanted to go ask him about it but they didn't seem too open about the whole situation. I don't want to get caught up with people trying to hide something if it's that serious.  -BB

My name is Casey, and I am a college student at Winona State who just started developing squirrel symptoms. I'm from a small town in Minnesota with the woods in my background, so I'm fairly knowledgeable about squirrels. No one knows about my symptoms. I'm the first one on campus that I know of that has developed Squirrel Psychosis, and I don't think anyone else would understand. It has been pretty easy hiding the symptoms at first, especially with having my own dorm room, but the symptoms are growing. I would like to find a group of people who relate to what’s going on, and that I can confide in. So far, my symptoms have consisted of a new taste for acorns, the urge to constantly climb a tree, and sometimes even making noises like a squirrel. I believe I can get rid of this. I just have to find someone who knows how to. I've tried everything from avoiding squirrels to even researching curses on squirrels. This has given me a hatred for squirrels at this point. I...

Born in 1980, Harold has lived in Winona Minnesota most of his life. He works at the local hardware store, is unmarried, and does his best to live a simple life. Harold has a lot of trust issues, so he has spent most of his life preparing for the worst possible situation. Harold first started to get worried when customers would come into the store asking for weird requests like human sized squirrel traps, or excessive amounts of birdseed and nuts. Once Harold realized that this could be squirrel psychosis developing within the town of Winona, he isolated himself. He began to develop a paranoia to all squirrels and the symptoms people are beginning to experience. He sees this new phenomena as a threat to everyday life, and believes that getting rid of the squirrels is the only way to help bring things back to normal.

The city is under siege as the talk of the squirrel paranoia rattles the people of Winona. Luckily, a man named Kirk Blezner is here to put his life on the line by tracking and hunting the squirrels (or whatever the cause may be) and getting to the bottom of this conspiracy. He grew up along Winona’s banks in a small houseboat with his mother. He does not have any family besides his mother whom he takes care of, along with a dog named Slo. Blezner mainly keeps to himself but is a civil and humble man. He is a burly 7’ 4’’ giant and will normally be seen wearing a large green bedsheet over his body as regular clothes don’t fit him. He knows the land very well and believes this could help in the containment of the squirrels.  Growing up Kirk would often need to hunt for his food, which was primarily fish, but his weapon of choice would be his fishing bow. He is a dead eye for anything within 60 yards. He prefers the silent stalking approach versus blasting the squirrels with a gun, h...